at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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