Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
