dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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