dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Don't EVER smell your tampon
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
