I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
