just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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