I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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