she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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