i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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