yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
