then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
