I've blown a few things in my day
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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