Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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