put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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