Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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