Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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