question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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