woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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