My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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