goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Randomize
