I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
