Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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