then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
