She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
