jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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