I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
