Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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