wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
