I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
