I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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