Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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