i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
