does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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