can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
