i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
