his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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