New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
