It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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