I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
