UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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