You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
