My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
