I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
