I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
