i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
