please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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