I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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