you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just want nice things and good sex
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
