My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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