i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
