im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
