...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
