Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
