My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
