I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
