i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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