I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
