Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As shirtless as possible
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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