Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
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