Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
