it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
