Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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