Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
