We won't sleep together?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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