so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
