im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
