Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
