Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
